Online And Fitness Diary
Day 1. From this day on I have decided that I will keep an online and fitness diary that will include everything I do with respect for fitness. I name it online and fitness diary because it is a fitness diary, kept online. Obviously. So, from now on, I do not know for how long, I will try to track my efforts, improvements and failures in fitness.
Right now I am 5 foot 7 and I weigh 100 pounds, though I will not write here about the details of my size and weight, and I will mostly refer to the emotional aspects of my endeavor, how I feel, what my expectations are and what problems of discipline I encounter throughout my journey.
Day 5. I am feeling well and hopeful. It has been almost a week now and I have been able to maintain my fitness schedule, with 8 hours of sleep, a balanced diet, no smoking and little to no coffee. It is funny how I have heard these words over and over again, from all sorts of people, and how I felt like they are almost meaningless, because these seemed like the answers you would get from anyone when you asked: what do I need to do to feel better in my own skin? However, the difference, in my humble opinion, is that although many people know these answers, not many of them apply them. And that is just sad. I will write more when I get the time.
Day 7. I am not feeling well and I am not hopeful anymore. My body is ok, it is not giving me any signs of problems, but the problems are in my head, more exactly in my thought patterns. I have quit smoking a week ago and not the memories start coming back to me. Smoking is an anchor.
This means that I have many moments dear to me where I was smoking, and I associate that feeling of happiness with smoking. Furthermore, I am used to timing my breaks at work using cigarettes. I used to time many elements of my life using the time it takes to smoke a cigarette. Now this point of reference is gone and I find myself slightly disoriented and looking for a new reference point. I keep telling myself that I should start smoking again, because healthy people and ill people end up the same. We all die. There is no point in dying healthy, is there? Once a smoker always a smoker. Right now I am battling the addiction and, from gaining ground two days ago, I now find myself clutching and gripping to hold my ground. I fear this is a losing battle…
Day 10. I have started smoking again. I find consolation in the fact that quitting smoke is possible, but it requires the right kind of approach and you cannot do it on a whim. The planets must be aligned so to speak, meaning that smoking can be quit on a good, calm, relaxing day, when you have good food and good music around you and you are surrounded by your friends and relatives, all non-smokers. I have yet to see such a day. In the meantime I need to work more on the psyche and I consider these 10 days as experience gained and a good practice run. Now I know the dragons I am facing. Hopeful again.